"TEN THUMBS UP" .....Bill Collins
"A Trio of Dipshits…." Rolling Stone magazine
"This band makes me horrified to be a member of the human race" .....Sting
He was a regular neighborhood guy, and a damn fine cop, until one day his life changed forever, after a horrific incident at the radiation factory where he was trying to arrest his twin brother 2000, the sweaty and inflamed pop punk scientist. 2000 had created a terrible new sound called "the plague" which turns its listeners first to jaundice creeps, and eventually into vapor. After a long struggle, both were contaminated by this toxic mist. Jaundice suddenly took a yellow human form whilst his brother wasn't so lucky, he turned into vapour. The only thing that keeps Jaundice too from vaporizing is his ability to violently thrash. Now jaundice follows his quest to take down these sub human scumbags one piece of mist at a time until he can someday reverse the plague's sideffects, making his brother solid once again, and arresting his ass on a day of yellow justice.
Olbersteiin, Jaundices partner is a detective with a glovebox full of burnt spoons and a dark secret past. His junkie crime fighting adventures often lead to him being "on the case" ..much to the dismay of captain Travolta Heinburg. Olberstein, a retired priest, was kicked out of the brotherhood for reciting passages from Jane Austin's 'romance with the devil' to young children over the church P.A. Obviously, the church disapproves of junkie priests reading anything to children (besides the bible). Using his knowledge and experience as a corrupt priest, he regularly takes on the roman collar as an undercover disguise. Even though the deal he made with satan gave him the genius of all of the world's greatest composers, he stayed true to the horse, and thrash was his second addiction. However his practice of the black arts keeps the dark lord close at hand, and Captain Travolta has no choice but to handle the man's ass.
the thing is right, the baddies n shit have a killer thrash band, piss eating zombies, created by 2000's evil split personality "20 o Nine" to thwart Wet Pensioner's destiny of world thrash domination. Their drummer Steel Sexton is a gnarly hot shot who controls his legions of thrashers with his unmatched skills. That is, until Olberstein and Jaundice uncovered what was once thought only to be a mythological being. Shwartz Veinkman, a drummer who so it was told was once pissed on by a tiger and achieved total thrash powers from it's magical yellow stream.
Banished to exile for selling smack to the nazis during world world 2, it was beleived Shwartz was living as a recluse with snow leopards in the hymalayas, studying their behaviors and pissing techniques …and through a true understanding of the powers of big cat piss, realized that not only could he play drums at superhuman speed, but also could jump mega high, and heaps rad at clocking video games.
Although many dismissed this tale as mere folk lore, Jaundice believed that the myth was reality, but when he partnered with olberstein, he learnt that the myth that he believed was reality… WAS REALITY.
On a recon mission to find shwartz, he was reported to be running a drug cartel between cuba and budapest… via the alleyway next to olberstein's house. Jaundice moved quickly to infiltrate, but arrived on the scene too late, and found olberstein passed out on a pallet of heroin. He tried to explain to
Jaundice "I must have nodded off, Ive been trying to find Schwartz too for the last 300 years! but he's got heaps of good smack and sometimes wears a disguise. Don't worry, JC, Im on the case" Jaundice replied "eventhough Ive never met you before in my life…. partners?" several hours later when Olberstein regained the ability to walk, he lead JC straight to shwartz, and ripped off his fake moustache to reveal that it was actually…. SHWARTZ!!! Schwartz was finally taken down, and he confessed that it was no coincidence, "I knew that someday you would find me Jaundice, I should have known that selling Heroin to your partner would be my downfall.... oh well... Even though Ive never met you two in my life…..want to start a thrash band?"
That was the moment when Wet Pensioner formed....
With this crack team assembled, now they can take down those shitty maggots with some cold out thrash.
The piss eating zombies created a time machine to come back to the past and prevent wet pensioner from ever becoming famous and defeating them. Little did they know... that wet pensioner already stole their time machine and had indeed toured the future, taking over the world and thrashing the plague out of business.
I know what you're thinking, and you're correct. Wet pensioner are already the biggest band in history, but we as humans are yet to survive their uprising.