Review
Dark and irresistible, like an electro-goth mousse
Dark and irresistible, like an electro-goth mousse
Review
Smoky and immaculately assembled, like a campfire
Smoky and immaculately assembled, like a campfire
Review
Soaring and classy, like a regal seagull
Soaring and classy, like a regal seagull
Review
Crunchy and crystalline, like a cosmic nutri grain
Crunchy and crystalline, like a cosmic nutri grain
Review
Seductive and effortlessly reflective, like a glassy river
Seductive and effortlessly reflective, like a glassy river
Review
Explosive energy barely restrained, like The Hulk busting out of an ill-fitting adult onesie
Explosive energy barely restrained, like The Hulk busting out of an ill-fitting adult onesie
Review
Electrifying and creepy as all hell, like a haunted sandwich press
Electrifying and creepy as all hell, like a haunted sandwich press
Review
Laidback but evocative, like a fragrant recliner
Laidback but evocative, like a fragrant recliner
Review
Psyched-out and homespun, like knitting a blanket on acid
Psyched-out and homespun, like knitting a blanket on acid
Review
Relentlessly high-energy and difficult to resist, like an Anthony Robbins infomercial
Relentlessly high-energy and difficult to resist, like an Anthony Robbins infomercial
Review
Beautiful and emotionally resonant, like a preternaturally empathetic gazelle
Beautiful and emotionally resonant, like a preternaturally empathetic gazelle
Review
Jaw-dropping and relentlessly joyous, like 2000 unicorns jumping over a double rainbow (or whatever)
Jaw-dropping and relentlessly joyous, like 2000 unicorns jumping over a double rainbow (or whatever)
Review
Hyperactive and moody, like me at 14
Hyperactive and moody, like me at 14
Review
Bruised and purposeful, like an errant tomato that was determined to exit the fridge at high speed
Bruised and purposeful, like an errant tomato that was determined to exit the fridge at high speed
Review
Smart and endearingly well-put-together, like a well-dressed and not-even-slightly-creepy pharmacist
Smart and endearingly well-put-together, like a well-dressed and not-even-slightly-creepy pharmacist
Review
Fierce and sexy, like an angry Fassbender
Fierce and sexy, like an angry Fassbender
Review
Smooth and tricky, like a well-oiled yo yo
Smooth and tricky, like a well-oiled yo yo
Review
Rubbery and compelling, like a lilo
Rubbery and compelling, like a lilo
Review
All-encompassing and existentially gripping, like my love for Vin Diesel
All-encompassing and existentially gripping, like my love for Vin Diesel
Review
Patiently unfolding like a cosmic napkin
Patiently unfolding like a cosmic napkin
